I don’t know about you, but I really value other people’s perspectives. They expose me to other ways of thinking and push me to consider new ideas. That is why having mentors has been so important to my personal and career development. Although many people agree that there is great value in having a mentor, they struggle with finding people who are willing to be in a mentoring relationship. If you’re lucky, you might find that it just “happens.” However, most of us need to be intentional about finding the right relationships. Here’s how.
- Create a list of five to 10 people that you admire and actually have access to. Next, inventory why you admire them and what you think can learn from them. Give this list some real thought.
- Don’t look for just one mentor but several, based on your existing relationship and what they have to offer in terms of experience. For example, if you want to write a book, look for a mentor who has been successful in that endeavor. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, look for another mentor who might challenge you in that area. Look inside and outside your organization, industry, job function, and so forth.
- Decide what is practical in terms of the contact you want and need from that mentor. You might have someone that you meet with once every six months around a topic or issue. Meanwhile, there will be others that you meet with on a regular basis. Be sure to ask any potential mentors what they can commit to.
- Be specific about your expectations and the scope of the mentoring relationship. If we make expectations easy and clear, people are more likely to say yes. If we don’t specify what we are looking for, how often, what is it in for them, it makes it far easier for them to become uncomfortable and say no.
Once you have identified the individual you would like to approach, you need to reach out and ask for their help. The personal, direct approach is best. Make sure to explain exactly what you are looking for so that the person you are asking understands your expectations. I would ask in person or by phone rather than in an email. You are looking to have a relationship with that person that is mutually beneficial so make it personal. Also, let the person know that you don’t expect an immediate answer.
Example: "Hi Mary. Thanks for having the time for a quick call. I've been thinking about ways that we can help each other. I'd like to ask you to consider a mutual mentoring relationship. I'd like to learn more about Organizational Development and I believe you're interested in learning more about instructional design. We can have a phone call once per month to share with each other so that we can both benefit from our experiences. Please don’t feel like you need to answer right now. Let me know what you think."
Once an individual says yes to your mentoring invitation, your work is not over. You want to get the most out of this relationship, so you need to put effort into this important connection. If people see how serious you are about mentoring, they will take it seriously as well.
- Think through what you want to learn from each person. Come up with questions and topics to discuss each time you speak to them.
- Take the initiative to set the meetings, set an agenda, follow-up with them. Create a plan to give back to your mentors. Ask what you can do for them.
- Find ways to provide value back to them. As you get to know your mentors, find out ways you can share interesting information or helpful contacts. I guarantee that most mentoring relationships are a two way street of both people learning from each other.
- Say thank you to your mentors for their time and effort on a regular basis. For instance, write them a recommendation on LinkedIn.
Keep your eyes and ears open for other mentoring relationships. Your relationships will have a lifecycle based on what you want to learn, how the relationship is going, the time commitment, and so on. Don’t get caught with several mentoring relationships ending and no future prospects.
Finally, pay it forward. If someone asks you to be his/her mentor, be willing to invest in them as others have invested in you. I know you will benefit and learn from that relationship.
Bottom line: Successful mentoring is all about the relationship—building into each other and learning from each other. I encourage you to start today. You won’t be sorry. Mentors will bless your life and you will bless theirs.
