Why the Leaders Who Need Training Most Resist It—And How to Reach Them

Have you ever rolled out a leadership training program only to watch the very people who need it most tune it out with crossed arms or glazed eyes? If you have, you’re not alone.

The leaders most in need of growth are often the first to resist, because the training doesn’t validate their focus.

The accountability-focused leader tunes out empathy training, because they won’t risk results. The empathy-focused leader tunes out accountability training, because they won’t risk relationships. So, they dismiss the content—even when it’s exactly what they need.

When Strengths Become Stumbling Blocks

Most problem leaders were promoted for their real strengths. But taken too far, every strength becomes a liability. Consider these negative patterns:

• The Ghoster avoids hard feedback in the name of kindness.

• The Bulldozer charges ahead, determined to win—even if the team is flattened.

• The Rescuer micromanages out of helpfulness, disempowering the very people they want to support.

In each case, a strength—warmth, persistence, helpfulness—has become polarized. One virtue has been elevated, and a counterbalancing strength—accountability, buy-in, empowerment—has been neglected. L&D professionals can best help address the breakdowns that follow polarized behavior by framing them as unbalanced strengths.

Training for Paradox-Awareness

Polarized leaders fall into either/or thinking—the assumption that for one side to win, another must lose. Paradox awareness turns the friction of opposing values into fuel.

A paradox is the tension between two truths that seem contradictory but actually need each other. Confidence and humility may seem like opposites, yet together, they create credibility. Structure and flexibility, far from rivals, are both essential for resilient teams.

Paradox-aware leaders look for innovative solutions that honor both sides of a paradox.

Why This Works for Resistant Leaders

Training that just focuses on a neglected skill often feels like an accusation: Leaders hear “You’re the problem,” and respond defensively.

Paradox-aware training begins by validating an existing strength, establishing common ground. It presents the counterbalancing strength as an addition, not a replacement, that improves real results. For training professionals, this shift turns the task from “fixing a broken leader” to “helping a capable leader find balance.”

Yes, But What About Constraints?

“Both / And” thinking can sound like having your cake and eating it too until you acknowledge resource constraints. Time, money, and attention are finite. But the options inside those limits are often far more abundant than leaders assume.

A manager, for instance, may believe they must either hit a deadline or protect employee well-being. Paradox awareness helps them find options that honor both—perhaps through re-scoping, delegation, or staged milestones. Leaders stop asking, “Which do I choose?” and start asking, “How do we honor both needs?”

The Leadership Progress Cycle

The Leadership Progress Cycle is a practical system for helping polarized leaders who feel stuck or blocked. The cycle has four steps:

1. Set Goals – Clarify what you’re trying to achieve and how you’ll measure progress.

2. Identify Barriers – Look for neglected strengths that may be blocking progress.

3. Experiment – Design a SAFE: a Small, Affordable, Fast, Experiment. SAFEs lower the risk of trying new behavior. Instead of sweeping change, leaders test small adjustments. For example, a conflict-avoidant leader might offer one piece of constructive feedback.

4. Evaluate Results – Did the experiment move you closer to your goal? If yes, build on it. If not, refine and try again.

This cycle turns paradox awareness into practice. Leaders don’t just talk about balance; they run real experiments that create evidence, insight, and momentum.

A Simple First Step

If you’re an L&D or HR professional, the best entry point is simply helping leaders see how strengths can tip into liabilities. To help with that, I created a free Leadership Habits Self-Assessment. It highlights common paradox patterns as a conversation starter. You can find it here.

Your Opportunity

Paradox isn’t a problem to solve; it’s a reality to embrace. The best leaders don’t choose either empathy or accountability, confidence or humility, structure or flexibility. They create “Both / And” solutions that fit the messy reality of human work. Paradox-aware training turns problem leaders into your partners in progress.