In the movie, The Imitation Game, English scientists are charged with breaking the secret Nazi message code in World War II—thereby saving thousands of lives and ending the war. But, just as with the people you provide training for, there are people challenges, as well as technical hurdles to overcome.
The leader, Dr. Alan Turing, is difficult, moody, rude, and hard to like. One team member tells him that the others won’t help him with this monumental task unless he is more likeable. The next scene shows Turning telling a joke and offering an apple to each team member. Even these awkward efforts bring about a positive shift in how the team members feel about Turing and their willingness to listen to his ideas.
More than 60 years later, Harvard Business Review confirmed what Turing’s team member already knew. In a study called, “Competent Jerks, Lovable Fools,” authors Casciaro and Lobo report that when people are asked whether they’d choose to work with someone who’s competent or someone who’s likeable, they say they’d choose the competent colleague. But, in real-life situations, when it comes to choosing people to work with, likeability is what attracts—not competence.
Bottom line: When people consider who to turn to, who to ask for help, and who to trust, likeability wins.
So what is likeability? It’s not an inborn trait enjoyed by some special few. Likeability comes from a wide variety of behaviors that can be learned. In fact, likeability is of increasing interest to learning and development experts because of its strong impact on the make-up and performance of teams. Indeed, likeable people are congenial, pleasing, agreeable, sociable, good natured, pleasant, gracious, cordial, cheerful, sunny, and enjoyable. Doesn’t that sound like a workplace you’d like to be part of?
More importantly, likeability even matters in the C-suite. Indeed, when Lockheed Martin appointed its new CEO, Marilyn. A. Hewson, the outgoing chief executive, Robert J. Stevens, said, “She is a genuinely likeable person who understands people and connects with people in this company at an individual level.”
After observing and teaching hundreds of clients, we believe that there are three kinds of likeable—and very learnable—behaviors.
#1: Some behaviors say “I enjoy you,” such as when:
- Jim puts his phone away as he talks with Joe.
- Susan smiles and waves to Carlos when he comes into the room.
- Janice sends Beth a funny card that reminds them of a time they’ve enjoyed together.
#2: Some behaviors signal, “I know you,” such as when:
- Ben sends Roger a book on the very topic he’s boning up on for his new job.
- Linda remembers that Anne likes oranges and saves one for her from the conference breakfast bar.
- June introduces Ling to a coworker and mentions something they have in common.
#3: Some behaviors are code for, “I respect you,” such as when
- Don asks Samantha for advice.
- Mary invites Gloria to go first when they’re in line for coffee together.
- Susan changes her plans so that she can stay and talk with Maria longer.
So, what’s the bottom-line benefit of likeability?
Being likeable sends positive messages and draws people toward each other. Familiarity creates more liking. When two people, who like each other, connect and converse, good things happen. Trust grows. New relationships flourish. New ideas bloom. Old problems are solved. People feel more engaged and committed. New hires become part of the team more quickly. In other words, new value is created for the organization.
