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Katherine (Kit) Prendergast

Thank you for joining our continuing conversation on the power of Social and Emotional Intelligence (SEI) in our professional careers. I hope you are now convinced that excelling in these interpersonal skills will have an immediate positive impact on your career journey. All it costs is your willingness to invest some time, your energy and a sincere commitment to being the best that you can be.So let’s continue . . . building on your first skill of self-awareness, what are some of the common emotions you might feel during a typical work day? They may range along a continuum of being enthusiastic and engaged to feelings of frustration and discouragement. You may also feel anxious, worried or even angry during the day depending on what tasks or issues you are concerned with that day.But what is emotional self-management? Here’s my favorite definition drawing from my experience as an executive and career coach and the latest in SEI research:Emotional self-management is the ability to slow down, think clearly and then consciously chose a behavior appropriate for the situation that will maximize a positive outcome for yourself and others.Sounds easy? It’s not, especially in the “heat of the moment.” To help you get started, here is my favorite road map with five simple steps to guide you.Slow down and take 3 deep breaths.Remind yourself that it is your choice on how to manage your emotions.Ask yourself what outcome you want – be clear and honest with yourself.Decide what action (or non-action) you need to take to get that outcome.Reassess and modify your behavior as needed.It takes practice, but acknowledging the validity of your emotions and then taking responsibility for those emotions is a critical career skill that can greatly enhance your professional reputation/brand or derail your career overnight.  So here is my challenge to you . . . think about this upcoming week and select several situations or people that could be an emotional tipping point for you. Often there is something that provokes some distress for you or a negative reaction of some sort.Now start planning ahead. Think through each situation by first recognizing the feelings it brings up for you. Then follow the steps above to have a “contingency” plan in place for these situations as they arise this week. You will be pleasantly surprised how much easier it is to manage your emotions wisely with this kind of advance planning instead of being afraid of being blindsided. It may not work every time, but it will work the majority of the time.Finally, you are well on your way to becoming masterful with your social and emotional intelligence. Keep practicing and please join me next month for tips on social awareness. We’ll be taking it a step up by learning how to tune in to the emotions of others to maximize your ability to connect, communicate, and collaborate with them. See you then.

Managing Your Own Emotions: Step 2 to Mastering EQ

Each month we’ll pose a career-related question to one of ASTD’s Career Center Coaches. This month’s featured coach is Katherine (Kit) Prendergast, PCC, the owner of Career Connections of Sierra Nevada, a coaching and training company in Northern Nevada.Q: “I’m concerned about losing my patience and temper at work with my direct reports, my colleagues and even my boss. How do I avoid being “emotionally hijacked” by others?”A: Knowing how to manage your own emotions at work is critical to your professional reputation and to your ultimate career success over the years.  I applaud you for recognizing that this is a vulnerable area for yourself (as it is for most of us) and that you are willing to take action to avoid saying or doing something that you will later regret.What’s the secret to not being emotionally hijacked? It’s actually quite simple. It starts with you remembering that you (and only you) have control over your own emotions.  But you need to be ready because emotional hijacking happens fast!Recent brain studies (amygdala) tells us that when faced with a perceived threat of any kind, we only have about six seconds to consciously slow down our thoughts and think about how best to respond depending on the outcome we want.Here’s a simple road map with five steps to help you get started.Practice self-awareness. Take your emotional temperature several times a day. Know immediately when you are becoming agitated, frustrated, anxious or angry.Know your triggers. Be honest about what bothers you and why. Make a long list.Push the pause button. Consciously slow yourself down with a mantra, a visual distraction, physically moving or asking for a time out.Think about the desired outcome. Decide what outcome you really want and honestly what you don’t want. Now decide what you need to do or say to ensure that outcome.Choose your language. Words are powerful so choose them wisely. Now it’s up to you. Never be “emotionally hijacked” again—or almost never—by committing yourself to learning how to handle difficult emotional situations at work for both your own career benefit and for those who work with you each and every day. Your career will thank you!

Ask the Career Coach: Keep Your Emotions From Hijacking Your Career

 For years, it was considered inappropriate to show our emotions or even to acknowledge other people’s emotions when we are at work. But in the early 1990s, author and psychologist Daniel Goleman ignited international interest in emotional intelligence (EQ).Goleman and his colleagues determined that 80 percent of career success is directly attributed to the positive management of one’s emotions in the workplace. Since that time, neuroscientists have also weighed in with extensive research of the brain to prove that emotional intelligence is a learned skill that can be improved with age.So what does this mean for the ATD community?As individuals, we know that mastering the EQ competencies is critical if we want to move up in our career paths. In addition, if we are in a leadership position as a business owner, executive team member, HR professional, trainer, or mentor/coach, we now know what makes the difference: EQ.Now, here is a challenge: Building on our earlier discussions of self- awareness, managing one’s emotions, and social awareness, how can we commit to building positive productive working relationships with our colleagues, bosses, direct reports, and customers each and every day?Here are my favorite 10 tips to get started:Consciously decide “who” you want to be known as in your professional circles—not for the “what” you do but for the “who” you are.  Nurture that reputation so others get to know, trust and like you.Be visible, approachable, and perceived as easy to work with.Teach yourself to “read” social situations. Be aware of what the cultural and generational dynamics are as well as the different values, needs and intentions.Establish rapport with others by respecting, validating and appreciating them. Show people your sincerity both verbally and in your actions. Most people will respond in kind. Undercutting others will rarely benefit you and your career.Listen with the intent to understand the other person’s frame of reference first. When you fully understand them then you can move to being understood.Listen without interrupting or trying to rush in and fix the situation.Honor healthy boundaries by recognizing that others are fully capable of discovering their own answers and that ultimately it is far more beneficial for them to paddle their own canoe – less stress for you too.Acknowledge others’ right to think the way they do even when you disagree – offer your view as yours only.Practice using questions designed to promote others to take action and responsibility for their own ideas.Motivate others by recognizing what is important to them and giving them the opportunity to work in those areas. Use their strengths and honor their gifts.Your goal as a leader of yourself and others is to become highly skilled in connecting, communicating, and collaborating with others. These 10 ideas can help you get started, but add what you know works best for you as well. It takes time, effort, and commitment—but your career depends on it. Enjoy your successes!

Katherine (Kit) Prendergast

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