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ATD Blog

Back to DEI Basics With the 3 Rs: Relationships, Risk-Taking, and Resolve

Wednesday, December 15, 2021
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A new year often brings new resolutions. Throughout 2021, we continued to face many challenges. In such situations, sometimes the best thing to do is reset. When we reset, we often think about going back to basics. Let’s talk about three foundational skills needed in the DEI space as we head into 2022.

Relationships

One of the best ways to overcome fear of a group of people is to befriend people from that group. Now, that’s easier said than done. Moreover, in the corporate world, you may not make a friend even though it feels like you are. In fact, people who are members of traditionally marginalized groups are adept at making in-group members feel like they are friends. For many, it’s a survival mechanism.

Here are a few things to think about as you assess your work relationships with people in marginalized groups. Have you ever been invited to do something with that person outside of work? Have you ever received tough feedback from that person? Have you ever been to that person’s home? This isn’t an exhaustive list nor does answering no to any of these questions mean you don’t have an authentic friendship. What I am sharing is how I, a Black man, have created a facade of friendship toward white people in the past.

So, how can you build authentic relationships in 2022? Well, that requires a lot of work on the next two Rs.

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Risk-Taking

Taking risks is hard. Sometimes, doing so can lead to negative consequences. But when calculated appropriately, risk-taking can produce amazing results. It starts with taking a risk with yourself: the risk of self-examination. What are your blind spots? What groups are you less comfortable with relative to others? Is your comfort with marginalized groups contextualized exclusively to work? Black people often report being ignored by white co-workers when they see them in “life situations” like going to the grocery store on the weekend. We attribute this to being seen only in the corporate context. What’s in your heart that might be driving your actions, even unconsciously? Take a risk and truly examine how you are showing up in the world to people who belong to groups other than your own, especially marginalized groups. And if you’re not always showing up the way you want to, that’s where the third R comes in.

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Resolve

So, now that you’ve taken some risks, you’ll likely find that you haven’t always received stellar feedback. You might even have messed up. This is where resolve comes in—resolve to keep trying and resolve to do better. It can be tempting to take a risk and then when we don’t get the results we want, to shut it down, to cease and desist. Please don’t! Hang in there. Soak in that critical feedback or negative reaction (as long as both are respectful). Listen fully when someone tells you how you are showing up negatively. And then … do better!

In Josh Bersin’s six traits of inclusive leaders model, courage is one of the key attributes of an inclusive leader. What’s interesting is that the brain has a fear center that lights up when we are afraid. As we gain exposure to frightening stimuli, that center lights up less and less. It feels frightening to expose yourself across a big difference like race or sexual orientation or gender, and it is. But the more you do, the easier it gets and the truer the relationships you will build.

With a new year comes new opportunities to build a better world. And to do that, sometimes you have to get back to fundamentals. Creating more equitable and inclusive environments is often about improving our relationships, and we do that by taking risks and being resolute. And, when you get that invite from your Black friend to his house for the barbecue, you’ll know it’s working!

About the Author

As a diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) practitioner and leader, Clayton Sinclair, III has coached and advised thousands of professionals over the last 16 years through coaching, facilitated learning events, and enterprise-wide programs. A Certified Diversity Practitioner, Clayton has designed and led programs for corporate diversity councils and employee resource groups for companies across the United States looking to launch or propel their journeys to becoming a more inclusive and equitable environment. He is a subject matter expert in many areas related to DEI work including understanding group dynamics, having “crucial conversations”, the power of intersectionality, owning privilege, unconscious bias, becoming an “anti-racist”, alignment of intent/outcome, and more.

As director of DEI for Blue Ocean Brain, Clayton ensures that DEI knowledge and best practices are woven into their award-winning microlearning content. He also conducts webcasts and produces DEI specific works across a variety of topics.

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