(From Forbes)—My college years were memorable, but one of the most valuable lessons I learned about people and how to lead others took place outside of the classroom.   At UCLA, because of its proximity to Hollywood, it seemed like there was always a television show, commercial or movie being filmed at the university. As such, you could always find actors on campus mingling with the faculty and students. It was the lifestyle at UCLA. Talent scouts were always there too, recruiting “extras” for movies, searching for models for photo shoots, or hoping to discover new faces for game shows and the first wave of reality television.

In 1988, I was recruited to be on the show Love Connection. Hosted by Chuck Woolery, it was one of the most popular reality shows on TV in the 80’s. I was the contestant on the “hot seat” that was  sent on a date with three women and then asked to come back on the show (in front of a live audience) to talk about my experiences. If I had a good date and wanted to go out with a particular girl again, the show would pay for it – as long as she was interested. Fortunately for me, the experience was positive and I had a repeat date (my “Love Connection” was a success). Much to my surprise, this reality television show experience would teach me so much about people and how to be a leader.

After my episode aired, I was notified by the producers that it was the highest rated of the season. The producers thought that I could naturally connect with a live audience and also said they felt really comfortable with me during the pre-interview screening. Confident that I was able to understand their talent (contestant) requirements for the show, they hired me to be a talent scout for Love Connection. Needless to say, this was an experience of a lifetime for a college kid starting his senior year. Four times a month, I would host recruiting gigs at various locations for the show. This required me to solidify strong relationships with the most popular nightclubs, bars & restaurants, and hotels from Los Angeles to Newport Beach, CA.

While hosting over 40 gigs and conducting thousands of interviews, here are 10 things I learned about people and leadership from my reality television experience.

1.  Everyone Wants To Be A Star

People will desperately seek the glory associated with being a star. Most people may not admit it, but deep down inside, they want the power and influence associated with feeling relevant.

This same desire for attention exists in the workplace too. Employees want to be sponsored by an executive or invited to network with people of influence that can help them advance in their careers. The behavior is the same, just packaged differently.

We also see this “want to be a star” behavior on social media, where people are trying to define their relevancy based on the number of followers, friends and likes that they have.

2.  Most People Are Insecure

It amazes me just how many people don’t value themselves. Most people feel stuck between being themselves versus what others want them to be. During the talent recruitment process, I learned early-on that many people thought that being on television would define their existence – by making them famous and attracting a crowd of friends and fans.

This is exactly what happens at work. The perception is that if you know the influential people at work – your network will grow faster and you will advance in your career.

In both scenarios, this may be true, but in the end, it doesn’t mean you will find yourself always associating with the right people who will add real value to your life and your career.

3.  People Want to be Accepted

People want to be accepted by others for who they naturally are. Unfortunately, most people don’t live the realities of their lives and thus choose to be accountable for what others want them to be rather than what they seek to be themselves.

During the talent recruitment process, I met so many people that just wanted to know they were being even considered for the show. The experience of having a meaningful discussion with a talent scout was important enough for them – simply because they were being given a chance for an opportunity they never thought possible.

This applies to the workplace too. It’s called being an active listener. More leaders need to take a more proactive role in listening to the needs of their people. Everyone wants to be heard.

Read more.