We’ve all been there: the sudden twinge of anxiety when our manager (or spouse) mentions they’d like to talk to us. But feedback conversations between manager and direct report can be less stressful if managers lay the groundwork, set the stage, and use a framework for the feedback dialogue. In “Feedback for Better Performance,” Colin May shares how to do that.

Establishing Culture and Relationships

Trust is a critical component of effective feedback conversations. The feedback giver needs to be credible for the recipient to want to listen and follow through on the feedback. As May writes, “Trust is based on assurance, reliance, and dependence.” Trust takes time; spending time together to build goodwill and positive intent helps foster trust. On the other hand, micromanaging and seeking to control prevents trust from developing.

Managers can create a culture where feedback feels more natural by practicing feedback regularly themselves, coaching, and encouraging team feedback so peers feel comfortable providing feedback to each other. Managers should relay their expectations for teamwork and performance and revisit those expectations frequently.

Managers can ask themselves if they’ve:

• Involved their direct reports in crafting team expectations

• Posted those expectations so team members can see them and better remember

• Ensured that the expectations are clear and simple

What Good Feedback Conversations Look Like

Managers can use feedback conversations to reinforce desired behavior, redirect unacceptable behaviors, or reprimand or discipline improper behaviors──what professors David Whetten and Kim Cameron describe as the three Rs.

Further, feedback conversations can be:

• Task oriented──relating to the skills needed to do the job, often technical in nature

• Motivational──about the recipient’s attitude toward work

• Skills related──covering general attributes of successful employees, such as communication

• Future oriented──relating to career development and aspirations

Effective feedback conversations require strong listening skills, both for recipient and giver. If you are the manager or other feedback provider, use empathy to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Validate their feelings. Maintain eye contact to signify you’re listening and ask open-ended questions to engage the feedback recipient.

Frameworks to Consider

We all can get better at providing feedback. Using a framework can give new managers more confidence in having conversations with their direct reports.

Among the well-known models are:

• SBI──the situation, behavior, and impact, created by the Center for Creative Leadership. What occurred, what did the individual do or not do, and what impact did that action have?

• STAR──DDI’s framework stands for situation, task, action, and result. Here the situation is the overall setting; the task is the expected issue or action; action is what actually happened; and the result is how what happened affected those involved.

• SOAR──stands for situation, observations, association and assessment, and reinforce and recommend. The US Army’s model features the feedback provider describing the context; what they saw or heard; characteristics the direct report can enhance or improve; and then sets follow-up actions, such as meetings or resources the direct report can use to aid them.

May also spells out his own framework, a CRAVE script:

• Context──that is, background information

• Review──talk about the action or inaction that the conversation revolves around

• Action──based on the question, “What can the employee do differently?”

• Viewpoint──involves the manager sharing their perspective, or the perspective of others such as customers or team members

• Encourage──here the manager shows their support and validation of their direct report

Results

If managers have established a positive and safe culture, and shared specific instances during conversations while soliciting the thoughts of their direct reports, there is a greater chance for positive change.

If you’re on the receiving end of feedback:

• Listen; don’t become defensive.

• Ask follow-up questions to clarify and ensure you understand what is being said.

• Seek resources to help you learn or suggestions on how to improve.

• Be graceful, and thank the provider.

• Reflect, considering the options and ideas even if they don’t initially resonate.