Influence Unlocked, Volume 1: Influence, Persuasion, or Negotiation?

How often do you hear the terms “influence,” “persuasion,” and “negotiation” used interchangeably and wonder if they are, in fact, the same? Before we talk about how to be influential, it’s helpful to define what we mean by these terms.

The American Psychological Association (APA)’s Dictionary of Psychology defines “persuasion” as “an active attempt by one person to change another person’s attitudes, beliefs, or emotions associated with some issue, person, concept, or object.” When persuading someone, you are generally trying to get them to see your way or do something. In my personal life, this takes the form of my teenager passionately presenting arguments as to why I should allow them more screen time. (Spoiler: it doesn’t work out for them)

On the other hand, APA defines “negotiation” as “a reciprocal communication process in which two or more parties examine specific issues, explain their positions, and exchange offers and counteroffers in an attempt to identify a solution or outcome that is acceptable to all parties.” When negotiating, you are typically looking to generate agreements that benefit both sides in some way and make the proverbial pie bigger. At some point, my teen will likely figure out that they might be able to use that screen time for something productive that also fills a need of mine, thus making their request a win for both of us. (Hasn’t happened yet but I’m holding out hope)

So where does influence fit in? APA doesn’t have a definition for that and other sources define it as “the capacity or power to be a compelling force on the actions, behavior, or opinions, of others” (Dictionary.com) or “the power or capacity of causing an effect in indirect or intangible ways” (Merriam-Webster). Key idea: there is some perception of power involved but it is not applied directly.

It is also commonly said that influence exists in the mind of the other. That is, I can tell you I’m influential, but it only becomes true if you trust and believe me enough to independently come to a conclusion that aligns with my perspective. I can’t control your thoughts or actions; I can only present information that might sway you one way or another. You are the one who makes the call.

Most importantly, neither persuasion nor negotiation is particularly effective without influence. It is influence that gives both the experience and the outcomes lasting significance. I like to think of influence as the glue.

Let’s talk Steven Covey for a minute. In his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he distinguishes between proactive people who focus their energy on what they can influence and reactive people who focus their energy on things beyond their control. By focusing on what you can influence, you can improve your productivity, effectiveness, and overall well-being. Within this circle, there are two types of influence that we can grow:

• Direct Influence - whereby you are able to influence a person or situation directly. For example, you may be able to exert direct influence on your teams, your direct reports, your partner, your children, etc.

• Indirect Influence - where you have the opportunity to influence someone else to influence a person or situation. For example, you may need to use indirect influence with managers above your direct supervisor, heads of other departments in your organization, customers of your direct customers, etc.

The more you consciously focus on your circle of influence, the larger it tends to get. Moving something into your circle of influence doesn’t mean you have complete control over it, but, rather, that you have some capacity to be a compelling force on it. And in order for us to see more things as being within our circles of influence, we need to open up our thinking and get creative. What is something that seems out of reach but that we might be able to influence? Perhaps it’s not the thing itself that we can influence but our response to it instead.

I like to think I have influence over my teenager but it can certainly feel tenuous at times. They are very independent and I know I can’t (and shouldn’t) try to change their very personal beliefs or emotions. But can I be a compelling force for them? Potentially. While they may seem to be ignoring what I say, it’s possible that I am influencing their behaviors through my own. And I can choose how I respond to them, whether it be with kindness or vitriol or anything in between, which will then set the tone for our next interaction. The compounding nature of influence is that each time you try to influence someone, you’re making it either easier or more difficult to influence them in the future. You have the power to pave the path.

Tips for practitioners:

• Remember that influence exists in the mind of the other. You can only be influential if the other party believes you are.

• Focus on how to grow your circle of influence. Get creative in your thinking.

• When you do not have access to the person you want to influence, try indirect influence instead.

In the next installment, we’ll explore components of influence and the role of perception.