Little Leadership Training Secrets to Avoid Toxic Conflict

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Healthy conflict is a product of different opinions about WHAT is right. Unhealthy conflict is what happens when there’s a difference of opinions about WHO is right. These definitions are straightforward, but in the working world, it’s hard to tell the difference.

Healthy conflict is a product of different opinions about WHAT is right. Unhealthy conflict is what happens when there’s a difference of opinions about WHO is right. These definitions are straightforward, but in the working world, it’s hard to tell the difference.

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Consider the following snippet from a recent meeting:

Consider the following snippet from a recent meeting:

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ALAN (leaning forward): “If we don’t invest in automation we’ll become irrelevant.”

ALAN (leaning forward): “If we don’t invest in automation we’ll become irrelevant.”

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LETICIA (crossing arms): “Rushing this automation project will create chaos and kill team morale.”

LETICIA (crossing arms): “Rushing this automation project will create chaos and kill team morale.”

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ALAN (raising voice): “I don’t think we can afford to slow walk this. We’re already way behind.”

ALAN (raising voice): “I don’t think we can afford to slow walk this. We’re already way behind.”

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LETICIA (matching intensity): “And I don’t think we can afford to lose our people or our culture.”

LETICIA (matching intensity): “And I don’t think we can afford to lose our people or our culture.”

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They glare at each other, the room thick with tension.

They glare at each other, the room thick with tension.

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Is this conflict healthy or unhealthy?

Is this conflict healthy or unhealthy?

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The exchange itself doesn’t give you enough context to know. The difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict is a bit like the difference between salt and sodium cyanide. They look the same, but one of them will kill you.

The exchange itself doesn’t give you enough context to know. The difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict is a bit like the difference between salt and sodium cyanide. They look the same, but one of them will kill you.

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To recognize the difference, leadership training needs to clarify that in healthy conflict there is a shared common goal . In unhealthy conflict, there are competing agendas. The conflict above could be a power play for influence by either Alan or Leticia (unhealthy and political). It could also be a necessary conversation about the tradeoffs of a big decision (healthy and strategic).

To recognize the difference, leadership training needs to clarify that in healthy conflict there is a shared common goal. In unhealthy conflict, there are competing agendas. The conflict above could be a power play for influence by either Alan or Leticia (unhealthy and political). It could also be a necessary conversation about the tradeoffs of a big decision (healthy and strategic).

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Leadership training to manage conflict should begin by teaching leaders how to find or set shared goals. Great leaders clarify shared goals and how to measure progress. They set those goals collaboratively, seeking input from every member of the team. Good conflict management requires agreement on a shared goal. Fun fact: you can mostly prevent unhealthy conflict if everyone freely shares their own measurable goals.

Leadership training to manage conflict should begin by teaching leaders how to find or set shared goals. Great leaders clarify shared goals and how to measure progress. They set those goals collaboratively, seeking input from every member of the team. Good conflict management requires agreement on a shared goal. Fun fact: you can mostly prevent unhealthy conflict if everyone freely shares their own measurable goals.

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Whether the conflict is healthy or unhealthy, leaders must find a resolution so the team can move forward. The first step is to create a space with a comfortable emotional temperature for each conflicting party. A leader may be able to do that in the moment by validating each perspective and just reminding everyone of the shared goal.

Whether the conflict is healthy or unhealthy, leaders must find a resolution so the team can move forward. The first step is to create a space with a comfortable emotional temperature for each conflicting party. A leader may be able to do that in the moment by validating each perspective and just reminding everyone of the shared goal.

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If the shared goal isn’t already well understood or if the emotional temperature is too hot, the next step would be to defer the conversation to another meeting. A time interval can give emotions a chance to cool. If it helps the space feel safer, the follow-up meeting can be private. If the conflict has interpersonal elements, the leader may need to meet with each party separately. The leader should proactively set ground rules to avoid anticipated barriers. “No sarcasm” or “a commitment to confidentiality” are just two examples of useful ground rules.

If the shared goal isn’t already well understood or if the emotional temperature is too hot, the next step would be to defer the conversation to another meeting. A time interval can give emotions a chance to cool. If it helps the space feel safer, the follow-up meeting can be private. If the conflict has interpersonal elements, the leader may need to meet with each party separately. The leader should proactively set ground rules to avoid anticipated barriers. “No sarcasm” or “a commitment to confidentiality” are just two examples of useful ground rules.

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Leadership training should help leaders master the mechanics of a good conflict-resolution conversation. This begins with body language, including:

Leadership training should help leaders master the mechanics of a good conflict-resolution conversation. This begins with body language, including:

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  Appropriate eye contact

  Appropriate eye contact

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  Facing the person you’re speaking with

  Facing the person you’re speaking with

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  Presenting an open, not a closed, posture

  Presenting an open, not a closed, posture

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Leadership training should teach leaders to restate and summarize to confirm understanding and to ask clarifying questions as necessary. They should also learn to avoid interruption unless the topic wanders away from the shared goal.

Leadership training should teach leaders to restate and summarize to confirm understanding and to ask clarifying questions as necessary. They should also learn to avoid interruption unless the topic wanders away from the shared goal.

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Lastly, leaders need to know when to call in help. Long-lasting conflicts with multiple failed resolution efforts may require professional mediation. Bad behavior by one party may warrant a performance improvement plan that involves HR. If there is a power differential, bullying, or harassment, a leader must protect the victim. Leadership training must teach leaders to recognize these situations.

Lastly, leaders need to know when to call in help. Long-lasting conflicts with multiple failed resolution efforts may require professional mediation. Bad behavior by one party may warrant a performance improvement plan that involves HR. If there is a power differential, bullying, or harassment, a leader must protect the victim. Leadership training must teach leaders to recognize these situations.

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Leadership skills do not require inborn attributes. These practices can be trained, learned, and mastered. Leaders may not learn to enjoy conflict, but all of them will have to face it. Leaders without good training will avoid healthy conflict or make bad conflict worse by just wishing it would go away. Trained leaders know good conflict from bad, and they can face them both with confidence.

Leadership skills do not require inborn attributes. These practices can be trained, learned, and mastered. Leaders may not learn to enjoy conflict, but all of them will have to face it. Leaders without good training will avoid healthy conflict or make bad conflict worse by just wishing it would go away. Trained leaders know good conflict from bad, and they can face them both with confidence.

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Conflict resolution is an essential element of the Leadership Progress Cycle, a cohort-based leadership development program by Niche Academy. You can learn more about the Leadership Progress Cycle at leadershipprogresscycle.com .

Conflict resolution is an essential element of the Leadership Progress Cycle, a cohort-based leadership development program by Niche Academy. You can learn more about the Leadership Progress Cycle at leadershipprogresscycle.com.