Peacemaking in a Polarized Time: 40 Men, a Crisis, and a Lesson in Leadership

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Like most suburban neighborhoods in America, my hometown of Lindon, Utah, prefers civility over confrontation—especially when it comes to politics. People here are kind, neighborly, and generally risk-averse when it comes to strong opinions. We don’t avoid each other, but we do tend to avoid topics that might divide us.

Like most suburban neighborhoods in America, my hometown of Lindon, Utah, prefers civility over confrontation—especially when it comes to politics. People here are kind, neighborly, and generally risk-averse when it comes to strong opinions. We don’t avoid each other, but we do tend to avoid topics that might divide us.

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My church congregation is a microcosm of the community—an improbable blend of young families juggling toddlers, retirees with time-earned wisdom, and a handful of middle-aged optimists like me. No one’s on a salary. Every sermon, every meal for a grieving family, every youth activity, and Sunday lesson comes from volunteers. It’s a system that shouldn’t work well, but somehow, it does. We’ve built a culture of quiet service and practiced politeness, one casserole at a time.

My church congregation is a microcosm of the community—an improbable blend of young families juggling toddlers, retirees with time-earned wisdom, and a handful of middle-aged optimists like me. No one’s on a salary. Every sermon, every meal for a grieving family, every youth activity, and Sunday lesson comes from volunteers. It’s a system that shouldn’t work well, but somehow, it does. We’ve built a culture of quiet service and practiced politeness, one casserole at a time.

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Then came the shooting.

Then came the shooting.

A Shock to the System

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Lindon is about ten minutes from Utah Valley University, where Charlie Kirk was assassinated. The shock rippled through our valley like a sudden storm. Everyone knew someone directly affected. My son, in fact, was at the event.

Lindon is about ten minutes from Utah Valley University, where Charlie Kirk was assassinated. The shock rippled through our valley like a sudden storm. Everyone knew someone directly affected. My son, in fact, was at the event.

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The emotions were raw—fear, anger, confusion, grief. And in a congregation accustomed to avoiding divisive topics, we suddenly had nowhere to hide. This had to be addressed.

The emotions were raw—fear, anger, confusion, grief. And in a congregation accustomed to avoiding divisive topics, we suddenly had nowhere to hide. This had to be addressed.

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As president of the adult men in our congregation, it was my turn to lead the discussion on the Sunday after the assassination. We meet every other Sunday to share lessons, plan service, and most importantly, counsel together . That means talking about real concerns, listening deeply, and trying to lift each other up. Normally, this is an hour of gentle wisdom and mild banter.

As president of the adult men in our congregation, it was my turn to lead the discussion on the Sunday after the assassination. We meet every other Sunday to share lessons, plan service, and most importantly, counsel together. That means talking about real concerns, listening deeply, and trying to lift each other up. Normally, this is an hour of gentle wisdom and mild banter.

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This week, I knew a hundred ways the conversation could go wrong. The group includes a range of political perspectives. If we were going to have a real conversation, we needed honesty and humility. Everyone had to feel free to speak and speak with sensitivity.

This week, I knew a hundred ways the conversation could go wrong. The group includes a range of political perspectives. If we were going to have a real conversation, we needed honesty and humility. Everyone had to feel free to speak and speak with sensitivity.

What Made the Difference

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To my everlasting gratitude, it worked. That hour became one of the most transformative experiences of my life. It wasn’t easy. People were vulnerable and emotional—even a bit messy. But something powerful happened: we came together.

To my everlasting gratitude, it worked. That hour became one of the most transformative experiences of my life. It wasn’t easy. People were vulnerable and emotional—even a bit messy. But something powerful happened: we came together.

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Looking back, three things made the difference.

Looking back, three things made the difference.

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First, we started with a shared goal. We agreed that our purpose was to become peacemakers, as Jesus taught. We read together from President Russell M. Nelson’s sermon “Peacemakers Needed.” It set a tone for grace.

First, we started with a shared goal. We agreed that our purpose was to become peacemakers, as Jesus taught. We read together from President Russell M. Nelson’s sermon “Peacemakers Needed.” It set a tone for grace.

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Second, we looked inward. Each of us asked what we were doing, or avoiding doing, that contributed to the larger problem. It’s clarifying to stop asking, “Who’s wrong?” and start asking, “How am I adding to this?”

Second, we looked inward. Each of us asked what we were doing, or avoiding doing, that contributed to the larger problem. It’s clarifying to stop asking, “Who’s wrong?” and start asking, “How am I adding to this?”

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Finally, we reframed the fight. Instead of focusing on what we were against, we asked what we were for . We also asked, “What’s the good thing on the other side of the tension?” Free speech and civility aren’t enemies; they’re allies. Civil rights and religious freedom don’t cancel each other out; they sustain one another. When you look closely, most “either/or” battles hide a “both/and” truth.

Finally, we reframed the fight. Instead of focusing on what we were against, we asked what we were for. We also asked, “What’s the good thing on the other side of the tension?” Free speech and civility aren’t enemies; they’re allies. Civil rights and religious freedom don’t cancel each other out; they sustain one another. When you look closely, most “either/or” battles hide a “both/and” truth.

The Leadership Lesson

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I’ve taught paradox-aware leadership in many contexts, but that Sunday was the purest case study I’ve ever lived. It was leadership in the crucible—an hour of charged emotion that crystallized for me some key principles.

I’ve taught paradox-aware leadership in many contexts, but that Sunday was the purest case study I’ve ever lived. It was leadership in the crucible—an hour of charged emotion that crystallized for me some key principles.

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If you lead a team, you can do this too. Clarify a shared goal that everyone can believe in. Ask how you might be contributing to the problem. Translate defensive “against” energy into constructive “for” energy. And when disagreements arise, ask what good the other side is fighting for .

If you lead a team, you can do this too. Clarify a shared goal that everyone can believe in. Ask how you might be contributing to the problem. Translate defensive “against” energy into constructive “for” energy. And when disagreements arise, ask what good the other side is fighting for.

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Good things are not mutually exclusive. Paradox isn’t a barrier to progress. It’s the path to it. And when you learn to walk that path, something remarkable happens: people stop shouting across divides and start building bridges between them.

Good things are not mutually exclusive. Paradox isn’t a barrier to progress. It’s the path to it. And when you learn to walk that path, something remarkable happens: people stop shouting across divides and start building bridges between them.

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That Sunday in Lindon, we didn’t solve the nation’s divisions. But in one small room, among 40 men with different worldviews, we learned to be peacemakers. And that, I think, is how the healing begins.

That Sunday in Lindon, we didn’t solve the nation’s divisions. But in one small room, among 40 men with different worldviews, we learned to be peacemakers. And that, I think, is how the healing begins.

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To learn more about paradox-aware leadership, visit TheLPC.com .

To learn more about paradox-aware leadership, visit TheLPC.com.