Putting the Humanity Into Performance Management Conversations

Let me share something that might surprise you: Most organizations are getting performance management completely backward. They’re piling on more systems, frameworks, and “best practices,” yet 82 percent of HR leaders say their efforts aren’t working. Why? They tend to add more complexity when they should be removing interference—the stuff that gets in the way of people giving their best.

Here’s my truth: Performance management isn’t about complex systems—it’s about conversations—simple, human conversations that clear the path between where someone is and where they want to go. In my work with organizations, they often tell me they need better tools, frameworks, and processes. There’s nothing wrong with that, but what they really need is to get better at having real conversations that matter.

Whether we like it or not, every interaction between a leader and team member has an impact. Whether it’s a scheduled performance review or a quick hallway chat, these moments build trust and capability or create interference and resistance. What makes the difference? It’s all in how we navigate through each conversation.

Let’s break this down into two scenarios we all recognize:

The Formal Performance Conversation

You know these well—the structured reviews, the goal-setting sessions, the KPI discussions. Many organizations load these moments with so much process and paperwork that they create exactly what they’re trying to avoid: interference and resistance. The key isn’t adding more structure—it’s removing the barriers that prevent honest, productive dialogue.

What if instead of focusing on forms and ratings, we approached these conversations with curiosity and partnership? When leaders adopt a coaching mindset, something remarkable happens:

• Goal-setting becomes a collaborative exploration rather than a top-down directive.

• Feedback transforms from a one-way broadcast into a two-way discovery.

• Development plans shift from prescribed paths to journeys of self-discovery.

The Informal Performance Conversation

These are the golden moments—the “do you have a minute?” conversations that happen naturally throughout the day. They’re often where the real magic happens because there’s less interference from formal structures and expectations. These spontaneous interactions are always opportunities for:

• In the moment, course corrections that feel like support rather than criticism

• Building trust through showing up as caring, candid, and being constructive

• Bringing a growth mindset to everyday challenges

Here’s what I’ve learned after decades of working with leaders: The most effective performance management isn’t about managing at all—it’s about creating space for people to access their own knowledge and capability. When leaders approach both formal and informal conversations with a coaching mindset, they remove the interference that blocks natural development and growth.

Remember: Your team members already know more than they think they do. Your job isn’t to pile on more knowledge or create more complex systems. It’s to help clear away the noise, so they can access what they already know and connect it to what matters most—both for them and for the organization.

The inclusion of a coaching approach into performance management is less about adding new tools to your toolkit and more about removing the barriers that make these conversations feel forced, formal, or threatening and more busy work. When we do that, performance management transforms from a dreaded institutional requirement into a natural, ongoing dialogue about growth and possibility.