Something is happening in the world of work: No matter how much time, energy, and attention we spend, it never feels like enough. As a result, people feel anxious, inadequate, and lonely. From my work as a consultant and mental health educator, I’ve often seen people respond to these feelings by working harder, and that response intensifies the negative feelings.

There is a paradox at the heart of performance; the qualities and approaches making us successful in our work can also leave us feeling deeply unwell.

This is a phenomenon I call striving, which describes the ways we learn through our communities, cultures, and systems to create safety, security, connection, and belonging for ourselves. Some of us strive for control with results in mind. Others live with the pressure of being right, needing accuracy and precision to feel steady. Some keep the peace to ensure there’s no conflict. Personally, I strive to ingratiate myself with those around me, making myself indispensable by being whomever they need me to be.

How we strive is deeply connected to how we find success at work. For example, consider the results-oriented person cutting through all the noise and seeing the bottom line as paramount. To be results-oriented is to beg the question: What is enough? If results guide our sense of security and self, the world in which we live—where there is always more to do at the highest possible standard of quality—is a challenge. Results-oriented individuals might forego sleep, hobbies, and time with loved ones—all activities that make us thrive.

The coping mechanism for a results-oriented person might involve making an elaborate plan (a color-coded spreadsheet) to execute wellness actions—mediation, sleep routine, nutrient mindfulness, scheduled times with loved ones—all while still trying to meet the demands of work. Strivers can maintain this incredible engagement feat for a short time, and then something falls apart, and they feel worse than when they started.

There are as many ways to strive as to be alive. No one way is right or wrong. Here’s my hypothesis: When we understand how and why we strive the ways that we do—at work and beyond—we can develop alternative and additional strategies to establish feelings of safety, security, connectedness, and belonging that protect and nourish our health, as well as allowing us to perform optimally at work.

To learn more, join me in San Diego, California, on May 22 for the session, The Performance Paradox: Understanding Mental Health at Work, at the ATD International Conference & EXPO.