The Coaching Skill for Lasting Change (and Why Many Coaches Skip It)

Most coaches don’t resist identity work because it’s “too deep.” After all, coaches are trained to go deep with appropriate methods and boundaries in mind. And coaches who witness meaningful shifts and pattern changes in clients gain significant professional fulfillment too.

The gains of identity-level coaching are numerous. Research shows that identity reflection unlocks follow-through when action plans fail. Clients sustain effort at higher levels when their goals align with their internalized identity rather than external pressure. So why not coach identity work?

In part, this understandable resistance stems from the perception that identity-level coaching is vague, risky, or unnecessary compared with the comfort of goals, strategies, and action steps. The pull for more “doing” is reinforced by coaching literature that places a heavy emphasis on performance-oriented goals and outcomes. And of course, we should be coaching to improve performance.

And…

Integrating identity-level coaching frameworks takes goal-based and solution-focused coaching to the next level. How do we do this?

Here is a practical tool you can easily incorporate into your coaching for weaving identity into a goal-based approach without drifting into vagueness or endless “processing.”

This sequence can be incorporated into any coaching session.

Some natural places to weave in identity-level coaching are when:

Transition and Identity-Pivot Introduction Scripting

The next time you encounter one of these patterns, incorporate your version of the following:

“Can I share a pattern I’m noticing? We’ve built solid actions around X, and yet something keeps pulling you back. Sometimes when that happens, it’s more than a strategy gap—it’s an identity question. Would you be open to exploring this for a few minutes as an experiment?”

Then try integrating the CORE© Identity Coaching Tool. In 10 to 15 minutes, I’ve seen these questions bring a new dimension to clients’ awareness.

C – Clarify the Current Identity Pattern

Ask: “When X happens (for example, this high-stakes situation, tough conversation, the pattern you keep noting for your client), who do you become?”

Listen for identity language:

Reflect it back: “That’s powerful. You said, “I’m the one who X. Let’s stay with that.”

O – Observe the Protective Function

Every identity pattern exists for a reason.

Ask: “What does that identity role protect for you?” or “Is there a risk for you if this part of you doesn’t step in?”

You’re supporting client awareness of their identity’s function.

R – Reimagine Potential Identity Shift

Identity-level coaching is not only for stuck moments. Illuminating aspects of identity also opens the conversation about how to amplify strengths and where to utilize this role more.

Ask:

E – Experiment With Intention

Translate the exploration of reimagining into an action experiment.

Ask:

CORE© keeps identity work:

It doesn’t replace performance coaching. But it does explain why exclusively performance-based coaching sometimes stalls.

When identity aligns with intention and a client’s day-to-day behavior, their goals and change-making, the work feels more coherent and deeply satisfying—for the client and the coach!

See how identity-level coaching may bring new energy to the good work you’re doing.