In a person's work life, there is always a messenger and a message.

The messenger is the person who has been put in your path to deliver a message. This person may be a co-worker or manager, and usually does not know that she is a messenger. The message, cleverly disguised as a series of conversations, actions, or inactions—some uplifting, others downright irritating—is always important information you need to hear. It is up to you to accept or reject, or more frequently, even realize that a message is being delivered.

For example, let's assume the messenger is my manager and she is a micromanager. The messenger may be full of faults herself; messengers frequently are. The message that she delivers comes from the emotional place that she is in.

In this instance, she is delivering a message from a place of fear. If she is micromanaging, it means that she is afraid of many things: that I will not complete a task correctly, that I am not good enough, that I will fail and make her look bad. She doesn’t trust me. She may also see something in me, such as the ability to be decisive, that she envies. She has an urge to inhibit that ability so I do not outshine her. She may also be incapable of making a decision. How can she trust me when she does not trust herself?

So, what is the message? Is it the words she is telling me? No. The message is the messenger’s emotions and unresolved issues. As the receiver, you need to recognize these feelings and issues to avoid their pitfalls.

With this in mind, let's list a few messages I can get from my manager:

• Fear makes people sick, both physically and emotionally. 

• Fear makes people miserable. 

•  Fear paralyzes people so that they are indecisive.  

• In a place of power, a fearful person can demotivate an entire department or organization. 

• Employees become disengaged and even detractors. 

•  Anger does many of these same things.

So what can I do with this message?

• Be strong. I won’t internalize the actual message from the messenger. She is just showing me her own faults because she doesn’t know any better. I may even begin to feel a little sorry for her because I can see the message and she cannot. I can use this lesson to grow.

• Be self-aware. I’ll appreciate and trust my own talents and own who I am. No one can do my job quite the way that I can.

• Be courageous. I’ll recognize my own strengths and find ways to be myself. If I cannot immediately make a change to a more positive climate, I’ll find ways to express my authentic and talented self, such as writing a blog post or mentoring a junior staff member.

• Be a leader. I’ll be the person I want to report to for those who report to me.

• Be tenacious. Difficulties are temporary and positivity attracts positive life experiences.