Why Helping Others Is the Most Meaningful Way to Succeed at Work—and in Life

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Have you ever thought that those top performers at your organization must have been “born with it?”

Have you ever thought that those top performers at your organization must have been “born with it?”

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Here’s the truth—they’re not. Every complex skill is both learned and earned. No one is “born with it.”

Here’s the truth—they’re not. Every complex skill is both learned and earned. No one is “born with it.”

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I know many top performers. I’ve trained them. Some are my best friends. I get to see inside their lives, learning how they think and how they approach their craft. The difference is just that they look at growth differently.

I know many top performers. I’ve trained them. Some are my best friends. I get to see inside their lives, learning how they think and how they approach their craft. The difference is just that they look at growth differently.

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While writing my book Give to Grow , I got curious about the difference between average and top performers, so I called around and took a few napkin statistics. What I found was a significant gap in annual production between average and top performers, with top performers outpacing by as much as 25x.

While writing my book Give to Grow, I got curious about the difference between average and top performers, so I called around and took a few napkin statistics. What I found was a significant gap in annual production between average and top performers, with top performers outpacing by as much as 25x.

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So, for example, if an organization’s average annual book of business for an individual was $5 million, they had one person whose book was bringing in as much as $125 million.

So, for example, if an organization’s average annual book of business for an individual was $5 million, they had one person whose book was bringing in as much as $125 million.

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Let that sink in.

Let that sink in.

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But this massive multiple isn’t random. In fact, it’s pretty simple. The one thing that will correlate to how fast you grow is how well you cultivate your relationships. This alone will determine your ultimate success and ceiling.

But this massive multiple isn’t random. In fact, it’s pretty simple. The one thing that will correlate to how fast you grow is how well you cultivate your relationships. This alone will determine your ultimate success and ceiling.

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Let’s dig deeper.

Let’s dig deeper.

Transforming Relationship Building

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Do these forms of “relationship building” seem like the norm?

Do these forms of “relationship building” seem like the norm?

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  You should get from business relationships before you give anything. You may have heard, “Get the contract first so you can give some value.”

  You should get from business relationships before you give anything. You may have heard, “Get the contract first so you can give some value.”

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  You feel like it’s OK to get “too busy,” letting relationship development slip away to the winds of delivering your work.

  You feel like it’s OK to get “too busy,” letting relationship development slip away to the winds of delivering your work.

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  You give, but it’s by talking about what it’s like to work with them: offering client success stories, sample client logos, project plans, testimonials, and more.

  You give, but it’s by talking about what it’s like to work with them: offering client success stories, sample client logos, project plans, testimonials, and more.

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Sure, your client stories and testimonials can be helpful at the right time, but they don’t help you build a strong foundation with the people in your life.

Sure, your client stories and testimonials can be helpful at the right time, but they don’t help you build a strong foundation with the people in your life.

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Instead, the key is to shift your mindset from transactional to relational. This isn’t about multitasking during a call; it’s about being fully present and genuinely interested in their needs.

Instead, the key is to shift your mindset from transactional to relational. This isn’t about multitasking during a call; it’s about being fully present and genuinely interested in their needs.

Forming Genuine Connections

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To build meaningful, long-term relationships, the secret is to start with giving. Give first. Give without expecting anything in return. Give without keeping score.

To build meaningful, long-term relationships, the secret is to start with giving. Give first. Give without expecting anything in return. Give without keeping score.

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Here’s the equation: All you have to do is be that person who makes their life meaningfully better.

Here’s the equation: All you have to do is be that person who makes their life meaningfully better.

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Start small by offering help, sharing valuable insights, or simply checking in to see how they’re doing. You can do this in lots of ways:

Start small by offering help, sharing valuable insights, or simply checking in to see how they’re doing. You can do this in lots of ways:

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  Proactively stay in touch, help your clients even when they can’t buy from you, and do this consistently so that you’re at the top of their minds when a need arises.

  Proactively stay in touch, help your clients even when they can’t buy from you, and do this consistently so that you’re at the top of their minds when a need arises.

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  Make sure the client has an enjoyable experience in every interaction, so they’re always a little better off after talking to you.

  Make sure the client has an enjoyable experience in every interaction, so they’re always a little better off after talking to you.

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  Share your expertise in ways that result in deeper relationships and more frequent and larger purchases of your services.

  Share your expertise in ways that result in deeper relationships and more frequent and larger purchases of your services.

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See how this list is the opposite of the one above? Here, each action, no matter how minor it may seem, strengthens your relationship and shows that you’re genuinely invested in their success.

See how this list is the opposite of the one above? Here, each action, no matter how minor it may seem, strengthens your relationship and shows that you’re genuinely invested in their success.

Making Giving Manageable

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I know, giving in that way can feel like a tall order. It’s not unusual for people to talk themselves out of giving by telling themselves lies like, “I might do it wrong,” “I’m too busy,” and “I’m going to look bad.”

I know, giving in that way can feel like a tall order. It’s not unusual for people to talk themselves out of giving by telling themselves lies like, “I might do it wrong,” “I’m too busy,” and “I’m going to look bad.”

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These lies we tell ourselves are the worst because there’s no one else to tell us they’re false.

These lies we tell ourselves are the worst because there’s no one else to tell us they’re false.

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Instead of creating barriers for yourself, find a way to advance the opportunity. The vast majority of top performers become great by making more attempts. More outreaches. More offers. More connections. Top performers get attacked by lies too—they just blast through it faster and more often.

Instead of creating barriers for yourself, find a way to advance the opportunity. The vast majority of top performers become great by making more attempts. More outreaches. More offers. More connections. Top performers get attacked by lies too—they just blast through it faster and more often.

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The key is to think 10x, not 1x.

The key is to think 10x, not 1x.

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1x thinking is rooted in “I have to be perfect this one time” and “I need to wait until I can write the perfect response.” 10x thinking means “If I add value ten times, something will resonate at some point.”

1x thinking is rooted in “I have to be perfect this one time” and “I need to wait until I can write the perfect response.” 10x thinking means “If I add value ten times, something will resonate at some point.”

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Doing this will help you win more, win more often, and win bigger engagements. Whether you’re young or old, just starting out or tenured, consistently, proactively, and strategically investing in relationships creates your own luck and amplifies your impact.

Doing this will help you win more, win more often, and win bigger engagements. Whether you’re young or old, just starting out or tenured, consistently, proactively, and strategically investing in relationships creates your own luck and amplifies your impact.

It’s Always Your Move

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So, you’re ready to put down the tower of business cards and empty LinkedIn connections and begin forming genuine connections, but what does that look like?

So, you’re ready to put down the tower of business cards and empty LinkedIn connections and begin forming genuine connections, but what does that look like?

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The secret is: No matter what is happening, it’s always your move to give in a meaningful way.

The secret is: No matter what is happening, it’s always your move to give in a meaningful way.

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Start by focusing on falling in love with your client’s problem, so you can find a meaningful way to give to them. This kind of giving opens your clients up to a wonderful experience, one that magnetically attracts them to want to work with you.

Start by focusing on falling in love with your client’s problem, so you can find a meaningful way to give to them. This kind of giving opens your clients up to a wonderful experience, one that magnetically attracts them to want to work with you.

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They feel your attention. They know you understand. Every interaction is an opportunity to show your commitment. It’s always your move, so take it.

They feel your attention. They know you understand. Every interaction is an opportunity to show your commitment. It’s always your move, so take it.

The Biggest Impact You’ll Have Is Helping Others Win

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Being a top performer in business changes the narrative from “what can they do for me” to “how can I help my clients immensely while building deep trust and making their lives meaningfully better?” And the key to that is giving.

Being a top performer in business changes the narrative from “what can they do for me” to “how can I help my clients immensely while building deep trust and making their lives meaningfully better?” And the key to that is giving.

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Giving doesn’t have to be perfect to be effective. Sometimes I’ve given too much and sometimes too little. Sometimes I’ve let the lies creep in my head, slowing me down. But through it all, I’ve been consistent. I’ve consistently invested in myself and everyone important to me, so we can all achieve what we want. And the results have compounded over time.

Giving doesn’t have to be perfect to be effective. Sometimes I’ve given too much and sometimes too little. Sometimes I’ve let the lies creep in my head, slowing me down. But through it all, I’ve been consistent. I’ve consistently invested in myself and everyone important to me, so we can all achieve what we want. And the results have compounded over time.

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When you focus on giving and building strong connections, you’re not just succeeding in business—you’re enriching your own life and the lives of those around you.

When you focus on giving and building strong connections, you’re not just succeeding in business—you’re enriching your own life and the lives of those around you.