Working With Difficult People: How to Increase Understanding

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At Crucial Learning, we sometimes joke that the hardest thing about working with people is… the people. But what if you could gain a more generous view of your colleagues, even those you struggle to work with? What if you could understand your colleagues not by their most frustrating qualities, but by their strengths?

At Crucial Learning, we sometimes joke that the hardest thing about working with people is… the people. But what if you could gain a more generous view of your colleagues, even those you struggle to work with? What if you could understand your colleagues not by their most frustrating qualities, but by their strengths?

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Using results from the Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI) assessment, you can learn your core motives, your strengths, and how your motives shift when experiencing conflict. The assessment has been shown to improve self-awareness, helping people better use their strengths and throttle behaviors that might irritate others. When taken as a team, it also helps people better understand their colleagues.

Using results from the Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI) assessment, you can learn your core motives, your strengths, and how your motives shift when experiencing conflict. The assessment has been shown to improve self-awareness, helping people better use their strengths and throttle behaviors that might irritate others. When taken as a team, it also helps people better understand their colleagues.

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The SDI offers a view of personality based on motives, called a Motivational Value System (MVS). The MVS highlights the core drivers of behavior, and each person shares a blend of three primary motives: People, Process, and Performance.

The SDI offers a view of personality based on motives, called a Motivational Value System (MVS). The MVS highlights the core drivers of behavior, and each person shares a blend of three primary motives: People, Process, and Performance.

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This means that some of us predominantly achieve a sense of self-worth when we help others (People). Some of us do so when we perform at high levels and achieve goals (Performance). Some of us do so when we work independently, think logically, and establish order (Process). And if you’re thinking, “I like to do all three of those things,” it’s because we all have some blend of all the motives.

This means that some of us predominantly achieve a sense of self-worth when we help others (People). Some of us do so when we perform at high levels and achieve goals (Performance). Some of us do so when we work independently, think logically, and establish order (Process). And if you’re thinking, “I like to do all three of those things,” it’s because we all have some blend of all the motives.

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So, if you have a teammate who is showing up in a way that you find challenging, take a moment to consider what their motives might be.

So, if you have a teammate who is showing up in a way that you find challenging, take a moment to consider what their motives might be.

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Something else you should consider: Your personality affects your view of others’ behaviors. For example, a person who is process-oriented is more likely to think of performance-driven behaviors as reckless. Or a person who is people-oriented may think performance-driven behavior is arrogant. And a performance-driven individual might believe people-oriented behaviors are mushy and weak. So, while your director may benefit from modifying their approach, it is also possible that you could benefit from modifying your perspective. This is what I mean when I say the SDI improves self-awareness.

Something else you should consider: Your personality affects your view of others’ behaviors. For example, a person who is process-oriented is more likely to think of performance-driven behaviors as reckless. Or a person who is people-oriented may think performance-driven behavior is arrogant. And a performance-driven individual might believe people-oriented behaviors are mushy and weak. So, while your director may benefit from modifying their approach, it is also possible that you could benefit from modifying your perspective. This is what I mean when I say the SDI improves self-awareness.

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The easiest way for you and your colleague to better understand motives and strengths is to take the SDI assessment. But if that’s not an option, you can use these tips to improve your Crucial Conversations:

The easiest way for you and your colleague to better understand motives and strengths is to take the SDI assessment. But if that’s not an option, you can use these tips to improve your Crucial Conversations:

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  Master your story: Consider that while you think your colleague is showing up in “awful” ways, they aren’t actually awful. Rather, they may care so much about achieving their goals that they lose sight of how their behavior is being perceived by others.

  Master your story: Consider that while you think your colleague is showing up in “awful” ways, they aren’t actually awful. Rather, they may care so much about achieving their goals that they lose sight of how their behavior is being perceived by others.

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  Find mutual purpose: When you approach them, communicate that you also care about the team’s success—in fact, everyone does. At the same time, there are things they are doing that are getting in the way of that success. If you can find a way to work better together, you’ll be even more likely to achieve your goals.

  Find mutual purpose: When you approach them, communicate that you also care about the team’s success—in fact, everyone does. At the same time, there are things they are doing that are getting in the way of that success. If you can find a way to work better together, you’ll be even more likely to achieve your goals.

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  Start with facts: When giving feedback, keep it factual rather than share broad accusations. Don’t say, “You’re awful to work with.” They can’t act on that vague feedback. Rather, describe behaviors such as, “You called George an idiot when he made a mistake.”

  Start with facts: When giving feedback, keep it factual rather than share broad accusations. Don’t say, “You’re awful to work with.” They can’t act on that vague feedback. Rather, describe behaviors such as, “You called George an idiot when he made a mistake.”

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  Share natural consequences: Next, share the natural consequences of their behavior—and be sure to highlight how it may be undermining their primary motive. They may not care to know that their behavior causes people to feel emotional and upset, but they might care that their behavior is hindering results.

  Share natural consequences: Next, share the natural consequences of their behavior—and be sure to highlight how it may be undermining their primary motive. They may not care to know that their behavior causes people to feel emotional and upset, but they might care that their behavior is hindering results.

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Your colleague likely has good motives and strengths. If you can help them recognize how they are overusing their strengths, they may be able to learn to modify them slightly or adopt other, more productive behaviors to create a more successful environment.

Your colleague likely has good motives and strengths. If you can help them recognize how they are overusing their strengths, they may be able to learn to modify them slightly or adopt other, more productive behaviors to create a more successful environment.

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And if you’d like to experience the SDI, take our free version of the assessment . It’s a great way to begin accessing these valuable personal insights.

And if you’d like to experience the SDI, take our free version of the assessment. It’s a great way to begin accessing these valuable personal insights.

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