Each month we’ll pose a career-related question to one of ASTD’s Career Center Coaches. This month’s featured coach is Katherine (Kit) Prendergast, PCC, the owner of Career Connections of Sierra Nevada, a coaching and training company in Northern Nevada.
Q: “I’m concerned about losing my patience and temper at work with my direct reports, my colleagues and even my boss. How do I avoid being “emotionally hijacked” by others?”
A: Knowing how to manage your own emotions at work is critical to your professional reputation and to your ultimate career success over the years. I applaud you for recognizing that this is a vulnerable area for yourself (as it is for most of us) and that you are willing to take action to avoid saying or doing something that you will later regret.
What’s the secret to not being emotionally hijacked? It’s actually quite simple. It starts with you remembering that you (and only you) have control over your own emotions. But you need to be ready because emotional hijacking happens fast!
Recent brain studies (amygdala) tells us that when faced with a perceived threat of any kind, we only have about six seconds to consciously slow down our thoughts and think about how best to respond depending on the outcome we want.
Here’s a simple road map with five steps to help you get started.
- Practice self-awareness. Take your emotional temperature several times a day. Know immediately when you are becoming agitated, frustrated, anxious or angry.
- Know your triggers. Be honest about what bothers you and why. Make a long list.
- Push the pause button. Consciously slow yourself down with a mantra, a visual distraction, physically moving or asking for a time out.
- Think about the desired outcome. Decide what outcome you really want and honestly what you don’t want. Now decide what you need to do or say to ensure that outcome.
- Choose your language. Words are powerful so choose them wisely.
Now it’s up to you. Never be “emotionally hijacked” again—or almost never—by committing yourself to learning how to handle difficult emotional situations at work for both your own career benefit and for those who work with you each and every day. Your career will thank you!
