ATD Blog
Not Too Pushy, Not Too Passive
Wed Feb 18 2015
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In my organization’s training programs, participants discuss concerns about how to follow up and build relationships for long-term benefit. Some say: “I’m afraid I’ll ask for too much too soon?” While at the other end of the spectrum, others worry, “Maybe I’m missing an opportunity if I don’t reconnect right away.”
In my organization’s training programs, participants discuss concerns about how to follow up and build relationships for long-term benefit. Some say: “I’m afraid I’ll ask for too much too soon?” While at the other end of the spectrum, others worry, “Maybe I’m missing an opportunity if I don’t reconnect right away.”
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The answer to this issue lies in knowing how to gauge the stage of trust you’ve earned with each of your important contacts. There are appropriate—and inappropriate—things to do and say at each stage of the relationship-building process.
The answer to this issue lies in knowing how to gauge the stage of trust you’ve earned with each of your important contacts. There are appropriate—and inappropriate—things to do and say at each stage of the relationship-building process.
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Take James, for instance, who wants to move from his job in “Personnel” to “Talent Development.” Clearly, he needs to become known to people in TD. He’s met a few people in that department, but wonders, “What’s a good next step for showing them my character and competence? What can I do and say that will make them think of me when there’s an opening?”
Take James, for instance, who wants to move from his job in “Personnel” to “Talent Development.” Clearly, he needs to become known to people in TD. He’s met a few people in that department, but wonders, “What’s a good next step for showing them my character and competence? What can I do and say that will make them think of me when there’s an opening?”
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Here’s what I recommend to James—and anyone else who’s keen on building a relationship with someone new.
Here’s what I recommend to James—and anyone else who’s keen on building a relationship with someone new.
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Take the “Rate Your Relationships” Quiz
Take the “Rate Your Relationships” Quiz
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While thinking about the person you’d like to start a relationship with, answer these 15 questions. If you’re unsure of the answer to the question, then the answer is “no.”
While thinking about the person you’d like to start a relationship with, answer these 15 questions. If you’re unsure of the answer to the question, then the answer is “no.”
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Does my contact:
Does my contact:
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Demonstrate knowing my face and my name by coming up to me, saying hello, and introducing me accurately to others?
Demonstrate knowing my face and my name by coming up to me, saying hello, and introducing me accurately to others?
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Know me well enough to recognize me “out of context” in a new setting?
Know me well enough to recognize me “out of context” in a new setting?
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Know several ways to contact me?
Know several ways to contact me?
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Recognize my name instantly when I call?
Recognize my name instantly when I call?
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In conversation, explore commonalities and needs?
In conversation, explore commonalities and needs?
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Accurately describe what I do?
Accurately describe what I do?
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Give vivid examples of what I do?
Give vivid examples of what I do?
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Know that I am good at what I do and can cite reasons why my work is superior?
Know that I am good at what I do and can cite reasons why my work is superior?
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Know of some independent verification of my expertise – an award, certification, third-party endorsement?
Know of some independent verification of my expertise – an award, certification, third-party endorsement?
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Respond quickly to requests from me?
Respond quickly to requests from me?
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Regularly send me valuable information and resources?
Regularly send me valuable information and resources?
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Know what kinds of people can use my expertise and is on the lookout for them?
Know what kinds of people can use my expertise and is on the lookout for them?
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Always speak well of me to others and pass my name along?
Always speak well of me to others and pass my name along?
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Tell me the truth, keep confidences, and have my best interests at heart?
Tell me the truth, keep confidences, and have my best interests at heart?
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Bring me into all areas of his/her life over a long period of time?
Bring me into all areas of his/her life over a long period of time?
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When did you begin to answer “No?” Noticing that fact will help you decide what you want to be sure to say—and ask—the next time you see this person.
When did you begin to answer “No?” Noticing that fact will help you decide what you want to be sure to say—and ask—the next time you see this person.
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For instance, James noticed that Jeff, from the Talent Development depatment, probably didn’t know that James had recently completed his master’s degree in Training and Development (Question #9). So, James decided the next time they were together at an interdepartmental meeting, he’d try to weave that fact into the conversation—as a way to teach Jeff more about his skills and competence.
For instance, James noticed that Jeff, from the Talent Development depatment, probably didn’t know that James had recently completed his master’s degree in Training and Development (Question #9). So, James decided the next time they were together at an interdepartmental meeting, he’d try to weave that fact into the conversation—as a way to teach Jeff more about his skills and competence.
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As an intentional relationship builder, you’ll be aware of what kinds of things you’d like to teach your contacts in each encounter. This quiz highlights the notion that it often takes six or eight encounters with someone before she knows who you are, has learned what you do, and has the evidence she needs to begin to trust you.
As an intentional relationship builder, you’ll be aware of what kinds of things you’d like to teach your contacts in each encounter. This quiz highlights the notion that it often takes six or eight encounters with someone before she knows who you are, has learned what you do, and has the evidence she needs to begin to trust you.
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However, once trust is established, you might be in touch once a week or once a year—depending on your relationship. Either way, you’ll know how to take a professional approach that’s not too pushy and not too passive.
However, once trust is established, you might be in touch once a week or once a year—depending on your relationship. Either way, you’ll know how to take a professional approach that’s not too pushy and not too passive.