A generation or two ago it was common to bring stress home from the office. However, today, people are more likely to bring stressors related to marriage, health, and loneliness to work, rather than bringing stressors home at the end of the day.
Pressed and Frazzled
Among the litany of problems and obstacles that marriage partners face today are personal finances, career and dual career concerns, too many responsibilities, raising their children, health, and sex. Pressed and frazzled by the onslaught of responsibilities, more couples are finding it exhausting to have to be with one another—to converse, empathize, and be responsive.
Many people are too busy juggling family and a career to make and keep friends, so they rely entirely on spouses to meet their need for companionship. Jacque Cook, associate professor in the department of family and preventive medicine at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center, observes that “millions of couples have no friends, even though many wish they could have the same warmth and sharing they see on television.”
Cook continues, “When you put all your eggs into the marriage, other relationships suffer and the marriage gets overtaxed. It’s too much to ask one person to meet all your emotional and practical needs.” She suggests that couples who want to branch out and make friends take up a sport or hobby, or join a civic or volunteer group.
All by Myself
Today, more people live alone in the United States than at any time in history, and the trend is beginning to take hold in Europe and other parts of the industrialized world. The average number of occupants per dwelling is actually falling. And for many people, the most interaction they have throughout the day away from work, and in some cases even including work, is online.
Is it any surprise that television shows with ensemble casts become instant hits? Do you personally receive any type of vicarious pleasure from visiting with your fictional friends every week?
Here are a few additional insights about loneliness and its potential relationship to stress:
- Single or divorced men, on average, live shorter lives than married men.
- Elderly single people (widowed, divorced, or never married) are more susceptible to sales and telephone scams. Perhaps they desire to have a conversation with someone, be it a visiting solicitor or friendly voice on the phone.
- Dating websites of all kinds are thriving, representing individuals of all races, ages, lifestyles, occupations, and sexual orientations. In observing contemporary society, it would not be an exaggeration to say that loneliness is a stress-inducing epidemic affecting people from all walks of life.
Connection Strategies
If stress attributed to loneliness is present in your life, here are some strategies that have worked for others:
- Lace up! Pick a group, whether it’s a bowling team, a tennis club, an aerobics class, weekend bikers, or what have you. There is no faster way to make new friends than to physically engage in a group-related sport or exercise.
- Join up! Become a member of Toastmasters, the Jaycees, a downtown diners club, or any other interest group that meets weekly or biweekly, and seek to be a ranking member. Perhaps you could be the new member coordinator, the ticket taker, or the treasurer. Be visible, even bold, and be likable.
- Sign up! Volunteer your time and effort with the local PBS station, the United Way, Scouts, or whatever stokes your passions. Once you are out in the community doing good deeds, your perspective on work, your career, your social status, and stress shifts, and usually for the better.
The common denominator to these three strategies is that you step away from the routine and monotony that might have you in its grips. You meet new people, you gain new insights, and learn new things. You can't help but benefit.
