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Doug Stone is a founder and partner of Triad Consulting Group and a lecturer on law at Harvard Law School, where he has taught negotiation for almost 30 years.Through Triad, he does consulting for a wide range of organizations, including Fidelity, Honda, HP, Merck, and Turner Broadcasting, and has lectured at Apple, Google, Microsoft, and Pixar. Stone has worked with journalists in South Africa; diplomats at the former Organization of African Unity; police and community leaders in Springfield, Massachusetts; and doctors at UN/AIDS and W.H.O. He has also done consulting for Teach for America, the Ford Foundation, the Nuclear Regulatory Commission, the US State Department, the US Department of Justice, and the White House. Stone has taught difficult conversations for the justices of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court as well as for 80 federal district court judges.Stone is co-author of two New York Times bestsellers: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, which has been translated into more than 25 languages, and Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well. His articles on negotiation and conflict resolution have appeared in Harvard Business Review, the New York Times, Educational Leadership, Rotman Management Journal, and IT Metrics. He has appeared on many TV and radio shows, including Oprah, and was a keynote speaker at the 2006 World Negotiation Forum in Brazil.From 1988 to 1998, Stones was an associate and then associate director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, where he worked with Roger Fisher and other colleagues on the development of negotiation theory.Stone graduated from Brown University in 1980 and Harvard Law School in 1984. Prior to returning to Harvard, he practiced transactional and regulatory banking law at firms in Boston and New York.

Douglas Stone

March 2014 - TD Magazine

A review of Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen

Feedback Hijacks

April 2022 - TD Magazine

Turn employee pushback on personality assessment results into opportunities for learning.

Make It Make Sense

 A few weeks ago, I wrote a short post, “Do the Right Thing.” For those who did not read the article, by right things I was not merely referring to ethical issues. Of course, acting ethical and appropriate are a given. I was also referring to being encouraging and helpful to others, as well as a great teammate and communicator. In essence (and in spirit), I am talking about being a servant leader and a source of positive energy—and only positive energy.Here’s some of the feedback I received for the post: “The message is inspirational—developing a positive and encouraging environment is planting seeds of success in our workplace, and for our team members, and can produce limitless benefits for our firm’s overall success.” “Fortunately, I am in a smaller company that is very leadership focused. In the past, though, I worked with managers with the attitude: “Just do what we tell you, just comply, adhere to our procedures.” They did not encourage creativity, finding new and better ways, collaboration, and even asking questions. It was just do it.” “We need people who know why they do what they do, are guided by proper values and purpose, versus so many managers who do what they do for money, power, attention, control, title, or corner office.” “We need leaders who have faith, a moral compass, and love to coach, mentor, and help others learn, grow, and succeed. We need leaders whose own satisfaction comes from the satisfaction and success of their people.” “It is true that doing the right thing helps others and helps us to feel good about ourselves. I also have found that doing the right thing is key to overall business success. A focus on personal gain can lead to short term success, but doing the right thing usually ensures the ultimate long term emotional (and financial) returns.” “I love the thought of doing the right thing as it improves morale and the spirit of an organization. Results will improve. Failure to do the right things has the opposite effects; it reduces drive, people won’t go the extra mile, and ultimately turnover, which is a huge hidden cost that management usually rationalizes—rather than taking responsibility to learn from and improve.”There is a saying that “kindness of words motivates others.” Having a sense of kindness in our work, leadership, and relationships in business, including our internal relationships, is definitely doing the right thing! Mara Vandlik of McGinn & Co., asked if women are expected to be more graceful, helpful, and encouraging than men? Granted, we could start a dialogue on that question, but my answer to her is that this is an area where men could learn from women and their natural leadership skills and competencies.Kerry Douglass, a spiritual director and counselor, thoughtfully noted that effective leadership comes through community, not authority.John Kelly of Hanover Stone Partners sent the Do the Right Thing post to two former leaders with whom he worked and respects and states that now when faced with a difficult decision or issue, he asks himself “What would Dick or Ed do?” Then the answer is clear, do what’s right. This is consistent with a recent conversation with Joe Bottari, a sophomore student athlete at Georgetown, whom I have the privilege of knowing and mentoring. When faced with what he considers a life decision, he takes the time to seek the counsel of those for whom he has great respect. Joe also believes in having great relationships with his teammates and focusing on team goals, as then work and football practice are easier to handle well.Andy Funt, CEO of Bio Films Innovations, makes an insightful suggestion that we should bear in mind to always doing the right thing—and also do the next right thing. By that Andy means the first right thing might well be an assessment or decision and the next right thing is our action. An example might be reaching out to someone to help them with their inner-confidence as we pursue our desired outcome.Aaron Spokaeski, a general manager at Billy Casper Golf, a company that definitely treasures its people and consciously tries to listen for their ideas, advice, and feedback, points out that doing the right thing means being “we-oriented” not “me-oriented.” It also means realizing that, as a manager and leader, we are a part of a team and every person is an important member of the team as well, and helping them believe that.We should live to help make lives better every day. That is living in our faith, and isn’t it the way we can be in our business lives?!Yes, surely it is. With that personal mission, we can be exemplary and highly effective leaders and team members—by doing our best work, by being positive, and by encouraging and helping others do their best work. As I finished drafting this paper, I happened to read a wonderful article about empathy. It encouraged me to go back and add this paragraph. Bottom line: Empathy helps us improve the lives of others, as well as our own. Here are just a few things we can do each day: See something at work that needs fixing? Just quietly fix it.Say thank you with eye contact and a smile and not being too hurried so the person feels your appreciation.Grab a coffee or tea with someone who could use a conversation. Conversations are a gift, if we listen to connect. A great way to lead our lives from a spiritual sense is to help make lives of others better every day, and we can have that be our personal mission in our work and leadership. We need to encourage and help our team members and other colleagues have better business lives every day. That is doing the right things and that is servant leadership!

What Does “Doing the Right Thing” Look Like in Business?

“What’s the difference between leadership and management?” "Ha,” you might think, “that’s easy”:You manage things but lead people.Anyone can learn to manage, but real leaders are born.Leadership is getting people to do what they don’t want to do. Each of these dances around the concepts, but don’t truly hit the mark. Let’s take them in reverse order. Leadership is getting people to do what they don’t want to do.This one is close—often, leaders must get their people to do undesired or unpleasant things. But this is just a piece of leadership—motivation, specifically. Anyone can learn to manage, but real leaders are born.This is the classic struggle between “trait theory” and “behavioral theory,” the question of whether people are born leaders or if leadership can be learned. Let’s cut through the noise, shall we? Leadership can be learned. After all, if leadership is based on the traits you’re born with, what’s the point of spending billions of dollars on leadership development programs every year? What’s with all that science and those books and magazine articles? Do the traits we’re born with determine our leadership potential? No, but they influence it. Sure, being intelligent, brave, and well-spoken are examples of traits that help you become a better leader. But they’re not mandatory. And how many leaders have you known who are too smart for their own good (“intelligent”), foolhardy (“brave”), and who are all talk and no action (“well-spoken”)? Traits, undisciplined by leadership behaviors, can hurt your leadership ability. You manage things but lead people.This one is a classic. And it is dead wrong! The implication here is that management is a way to control objects, processes, projects, and so forth. That part is right. But it’s also very true that people are managed. There is even a job title for people who do this: managers! Leadership—the interpersonal kind—is considered one of the functions of being a manager. However, it’s a limited way of looking at leadership and management, as if we happily chug along managing our responsibilities until we need to pull out some leadership in dealing with our people. No, it’s much more fluid than that, a lot more challenging, and a lot more fun.All right, so what is a good distinction between leadership and management? As things unfold in this article, you’ll see why this one works:Management is keeping things on track. Leadership is going someplace new.Let’s look at these two ideas and see how they’re different.Management is keeping things on track. Back in the day, railroad engines ran on steam. In the early days, they got that steam by burning wood in a furnace that, in turn, heated water, which created the steam that powered the engine. In the cabin was a conductor who drove the train, and a “fireman” responsible for keeping the furnace stoked with wood. He was also required to keep an eye on the pressure gauge, ensuring it didn’t get too high (and explode) or too low (the train would slow down or even stop). The fireman managed the furnace/boiler to ensure it ran correctly and knew what adjustments to make to keep it that way. Leadership is going someplace new. Let’s stay with trains for this one. Have you ever flown with Southern Pacific Airways? Or Baltimore-Ohio Air? Of course not. You can’t; they don’t exist. But trains used to be the fastest way for passengers to travel around the country. (Southern Pacific and Baltimore-Ohio were passenger train companies.) Not anymore, of course. And when passenger plane service was introduced, it was with new companies. Why not train companies? Why didn’t they introduce air travel so they could keep their valuable (and lucrative) passenger service? Because they saw themselves as train companies. But what if, instead, they had the foresight to imagine themselves in the people-moving business? It would have been natural for them to upgrade their technology (from trains to planes) to stay in the business of passenger travel. Instead, a lack of leadership—the ability to go someplace new—took them completely out of that business. (The passenger train business was completely wiped out, reduced to one publicly subsidized company—Amtrak—operating at a loss each year. And don’t even get me started on how the long-range bus companies suffered the same fate!) Leadership could have brought them into the future. Instead, a lack of leadership (and a key component of it: vision) took them out…for good.So, you manage people and lead them on an interpersonal level. Organizations require strategic leadership to guide them into the future. Which are you (and will you be)? Hopefully, both!

Classic Distinctions Between Leadership and Management—Why They’re Wrong

Knowledge is hard to define, much less manage. One way to lower expectations—meaning get them to a reasonable level—is to manage information, not knowledge. In the Learning Information Management model, information is moved from node to node, but knowledge is created by employees when they engage the work and other stakeholders like they’re customers. There’s an evolution that takes place from data to results. Raw data is turned into information by placing it in an organizational context, which gives it meaning . Information is captured, stored, transferred, and used by the Learning Information System. Employees use the information in the conduct of business, turning it into knowledge, which is made up of explicit information and tacit knowledge held by the user. This creates workplace performance and, if properly applied, business results.There are several principles appropriate to this approach to learning (knowledge) management:Manage information, not knowledge. Information, not knowledge is a commodity. Information management can help stave off information overload by storing information, which can be turned into knowledge where and when necessary.Knowledge is information operationalized. Combine the tacit knowledge the employee already has with the explicit information available and put it to use.Knowledge is situated. It is created and used in the situation facing the employee.Knowledge is personal. Two or more people can create their own versions of knowledge based on the same information. And it’s socialized, with people learning from each other and communicating.Tacit knowledge can be transferred through action learning. The knowledge management process is ongoing, recursive, and circular. It is not sequential, nor does it have a beginning and an ending. Learning can be experiential. It’s important to realize that beyond information being moved throughout the knowledge system, people may also be moved to work together on projects and, in turn, to learn from each other.Knowledge can be retained by retaining people. When organizations experience large amounts of personnel turnover, sometimes known as “brain drain,” they lose significant amounts of tacit knowledge possessed by their employees, despite efforts to codify and store knowledge to turn it into explicit information.Teach people how to learn. It’s not enough to make information available. Managers need to promote openness and recognize and retain diversity. So, information management is the basis for knowledge management, called Learning Information Management in the model described earlier. Thus, knowledge management systems taking this approach will not differ greatly from other information technology and management systems. Managing information effectively will lead to greater knowledge generation, distribution, and use. This will ultimately create better business results and make the organization more responsive to the demands of the knowledge economy.

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