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Stephen Jones has been employed by UPS during his 23-year professional career. Currently, he is the director of international training & development, with responsibility for developing training curriculum for leadership development and job-specific skills in more than 200 countries. He began his career as an unloader, from which he was promoted into part-time operations management, and then went on to other responsibilities as a full-time driver and management roles in industrial engineering, sales, package operations, and human resources. He earned a BS degree in applied physics from Weber State University, an MA in organizational management from the University of Phoenix, and a Master's certificate in project management from George Washington University. He serves on the advisory committee on apprenticeship to the United States Department of Labor Secretary and is considered by the USDOL as one of the leading experts on generational learning in the United States. He has a Project Management Professional (PMP) certification.

Stephen Jones

Like many others, your organization has probably lost employees during the last six months. Whether the loss occurred as part of the Great Resignation, retirement, or an opportunity to advance ones career, the result is the same: valuable knowledge a

Process Management: A Nonglamorous Must-Have When Talent Exits the Building

Rare is the workplace where you don’t have one or more sensitive coworkers. The reasons for such sensitivity are endless, and some are even valid, but when such sensitivity is combined with emotional displays, they can especially be a challenge! Such reactions are one of the main reasons people don’t hold others accountable. As we discuss how to work with sensitive, emotional employees, there are two questions I want to address: Why do people get defensive? What can you do? When I teach or coach leaders, I find that many of them believe that employees get defensive because they simply don’t want to hear “the truth.” As far as the manager is concerned, the employee got caught in their mistake and their guilt is driving them to emotion. So, their response sometimes is to get tough and say unhelpful things like, “Let’s not get emotional, let’s keep this professional,” or “No need to get defensive, let’s stay on topic.” While it may be true sometimes that people get emotional because they feel guilty, our experience suggests something else. When people get defensive, it’s because they don’t trust your intent. They’re leery that you either don’t respect them or don’t respect what they care about (shared goals). When one or both are lacking, or the other person perceives a lack of respect, you see a spike in emotional responses. See, our brains are always scanning our external environment for threats. The moment we perceive a threat, our fight-or-flight response is triggered. We react. Defensiveness is the attempt to restore safety in response to a perceived threat. And some employees may have been shut down, mistreated, or disregarded by previous bosses, contributing to extra sensitivity that needs to be considered. So, what do you do about it? You need to make it clear to the other person that you DO respect them and care about their goals. This can’t be accomplished with trite phrases when you’re in a bind. You’ve got to truly care. The way you treat them outside of crucial moments may do more for your Crucial Conversations than how you respond during them. I love what the late Stephen Covey said. “You can’t talk your way out of something you’ve acted your way into.” If you don’t show respect for their time, their work, or their unique personality, no amount of flowery language will ease their defensiveness. I think you could have a conversation with this person to address this dynamic between the two of you. You might begin, “Hey Gabriel, I’ve noticed a pattern between us that I want to talk about. When I bring up a concern about a commitment you didn’t complete, you often raise your voice or start crying. I’d like us to be able to talk about things in a way that allows both of us to feel heard and find a solution. But I’m wondering if I’ve done something—or not done something—that’s provoking your response. How do you see it?” That may not be a perfect opening statement, so adapt it to work for you. But please see the principle in the details. Be honest about the issue. Don’t let them off the hook because they get emotional. Show them you care AND address the issue. Ask how you can show you care. Keep talking. 

Working With Sensitive, Emotional Employees

While it’s difficult to identify any of the 12 winning strategies as most important, serving and satisfying one’s customers must vie for one of the top spots.

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